I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
