so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
