they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
