So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
