This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't think brook has ever known best
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
