Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
