i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
