i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
