forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
