You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
