No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
