brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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