He disabled his match.com account in front of me
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
