Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
