tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
