He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
