I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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