No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
