so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Alive.
So much puke
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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