Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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