no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hippo gnu deer
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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