what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
