the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
