i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
