when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
