he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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