Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize