he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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