Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
