I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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