It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
