I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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