I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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