I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
