At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
