Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you traded sex for a burrito?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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