either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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