hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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