omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
