I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
