Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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