i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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