STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize