My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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