No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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