and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
