He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
