Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
