I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
