I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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