More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
