and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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