Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
