ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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