Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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