Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
