Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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