dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
