I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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