I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
