We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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