When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
