This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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