Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize