she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I smell stomach acid.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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