My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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