I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
