i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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