Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
