I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
