yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
