tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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