she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
