You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize