Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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