we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
