so explain again why im purple
no
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
