im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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