Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize