saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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