I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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