what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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