I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize