Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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