Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
