I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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