hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
