got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
