I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
