ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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