i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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