I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
