I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What drink are we having for lunch?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
