Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There are leaves in my underwear?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
